I’m Slowly Losing My W2 Muscles

When I was in grade school I had a talent for drawing.  Or so that’s how my Mother dutifully described it at least. 

I didn’t really agree, and was always upset at what I put on paper.  But there was a mantra my Mom kept drilling in my head that did not resonate at the time. 

She would say “you’ve been given a talent and if you don’t use it it’ll be taken away.” 

Even though it made me roll my eyes as a kid, it stuck with me.  And as I got older and wiser I recognized it for what it was – a Mother’s way of teaching her child the importance of practice.

W2 Muscles Need Exercise

I’ve been part-time now at my W2 job since October 2017.  In my last full-time position as a manager I would routinely have to speak at large meetings or conference calls.  I managed over 70 people and would have a quarterly “state of the office” meetings with my folks.

Speaking in front of people was routine.  In addition, until recently I was an adjunct faculty member at a large university.  I would teach a group of 15 to 20 students once or twice a year, and did that for 16 years.

Neither of those two things would have been possible had I not overcome the horrible stutter that plagued my early life. 

Since going part time I’ve been working one main project, and it’s been going well.  But the project has demanded mostly solo work and some informal small team collaboration.  Meetings for me are almost a thing of the past, and when we have them they’re relaxed and chill.

The project has been going so well it recently got the attention of the “C-suite” folks at my agency.  And as the senior person on the project I was recently tasked to present an update to a very large audience, including numerous locations around the globe via video teleconference.

In total they expected 250 to 350 people in attendance, with many of those in person in a large auditorium where I would be presenting up on stage, TED-talk style.

In my career I’d done stuff like this quite a few times, both at work and at conferences.  Once my stutter was conquered it never bothered me.  I never really got nervous.  To me an audience of 15 is pretty much the same as 500.  It’s really a mental game. 

I also find the content of the talk matters, and in this case my project is controversial within my agency.  What I’m leading is pushing boundaries, breaking old traditions, and disrupting “business as usual”. 

So when you’re expecting a negative reaction to what you’re saying, it does make things a bit tougher.  But again, been there, done that, it’s really old hat to me.

But this time as my briefing date approached I started getting nervous.  Like, more nervous than I had for a speaking engagement in a long long time.

What changed?

Practice.  Plain and simple.  I wasn’t getting any.

My public speaking skills, or at least my lack of fear of public speaking, are starting to atrophy.  This was a rude surprise, but maybe shouldn’t have been.

 

The Downsides Of Downshifting

To be frank, this whole part time thing has produced some changes in my work aptitude.  I’ve noticed I’m not as sharp when discussing technical stuff with colleagues.  Sometimes I struggle to find the right word, or misspeak all together. 

Some of this is simply due to the fact that I’m only engaged in the job for 20 hours a week.  The latest and greatest developments and “business speak” aren’t on the tip of my tongue like they used to be.

And some is no doubt due to apathy.  I care, but I also kind of don’t. 

The project will go on without me, I’m just a cog in the wheel.  A wheel that I used to be in love with years ago but now that I see as just the functional tool that it is.  A tool that pays me for my time and most importantly provides great health benefits. 

The FIRE movement has been spreading, and so many of you want to retire early from your W2 jobs.  To me this is great.  I’m all for people doing what makes them more happy, and the data show that most W2 jobs don’t. 

I’ve seen tons of blog posts that say “if FIRE doesn’t work out or if sequence of return risks destroy my plans, what’s the worst that can happen?  I’ll just go back to work” 

Well, maybe.  But based on my experience it’ll be harder, especially in high-skilled knowledge jobs.  And I haven’t even fully separated. 

In no way do I feel like I’ve had a significant cognitive decline in just 20 months, I’m way too young for that.  But my white collar business skills, or W2 muscles for lack of a better term, have definitely started to atrophy. 

So this got me thinking – is early retirement a one way street in some professions?  Surely for licensed professions like doctors and lawyers there’s a significant risk in not being able to go back. 

But I’m beginning to more strongly believe that it might be the case in other high-skilled white collar jobs as well.  If I fully separated for a couple of years, I think I’d be pretty damn rusty based off my current experience. 

I’m not sure I’d even hire a future me who is trying to come off a two year sabbatical.  And that realization is a bit sobering.  There’s also the sad reality of age discrimination, but that’s a topic for another day.

This experience has given the whole FIRE concept a greater magnitude of permanence and finality than it had before in my mind.  And that’s something I didn’t quite expect.