Retirement Police Academy Graduates 2018 Class


DALLAS – After 30 weeks of grueling training, the Internet Retirement Police (IRP) Academy of America graduated it’s 2018 class at a ceremony in Dallas on Wednesday.  Over 40 new freshly-minted Internet Retirement Police are now ready for duty, and it couldn’t come at a better time.  “The sheer proliferation of so-called ‘FIRE blogs’ and those claiming to be retired on the internet has exploded in scale in the past year”, said IRP Chief of Police Dexter Johnson.  “Now more than ever society needs protection from these possible falsehoods and enforcement of our laws.”

In a stroke of luck, our reporter was able to catch live action as some of the new graduates were immediately thrown into action.  A frantic call came in on headquarters radio dispatch, and the new officers were ready to respond.  “We have a 10-29 on a new post from a blog called Beekeeper On Fire.  Author claims retirement but still keeps bees.  All units respond immediately!!”

The new officers immediately crowd-swarmed onto the site and corrected the infraction.  Swift and prompt ‘comment smack-downs’ as they’re called here are a hallmark of IRP enforcement tactics, but just one tool in their toolbox.  Johnson adds “Rest assured, we have many tools at our disposal, and if you’re out there claiming you’re retired, well, you damn well better be or we’re comin’ for ya”.

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Dave @ Accidental FIRE

I reached financial independence and semi-retired in my mid-40's through hard work, smart living, and investing. This blog chronicles my journey and explores many aspects of personal finance including the psychological and behavioral factors that drive our habits.

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30 Responses

  1. Hilarious! I haven’t got swarmed by IRP yet, maybe because my site isn’t famous. Being in the trenches has its privileges!

  2. Lol, if you’re out there we’ll find you! Your either not retired, or your not retired…. By the looks of things, you are definitely not retired my friend!

  3. hilarious. i had one chucklehead disagree with me with 800-1000 word replies, letting me know that if i wouldn’t be baited into a silly comment argument then i lose. all the police out there can give themselves a participation trophy right now for winning the twitter smackdowns. COMMENT CHAMPION OF NERDVILLE!

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      there’s chuckleheads everywhere freddy, and in the IRP being a chucklehead is mandatory for admission

  4. Mrs. Money says:

    Ha! Too funny. I just found your blog- checking it out now!

  5. Excellent timing on this one lol.

  6. Whew good thing I have forever to go until I’m at risk of attracting the IRP!

  7. Doc G says:

    Uh. Oh. I think I’m in trouble. Oh, that’s right, I’m not retired yet.

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      If you ever do retire my friend you’ll have to give up all 1,237 of your side hustles to be on the right side of the IRP. A daunting task to say the least.

  8. Wait a minute. You own the means of production — the “worker bees” are the ones with the side hustle.

    Nice one. I love the way the police “crowd-swarmed” in. Imagine that.

  9. Well thanks for getting the cops theme song stuck in my head now.

  10. ha ha! I love this! I think you should buy the URL for Beekeeper on Fire. tee hee! Everyone’s on damn fire!

  11. Thank goodness for the IRP. Without them, people who are under the age of 65 might be – gasp – happy they aren’t a W-2 employee! Can’t have that.

  12. Dood, el Farbe says:

    “IRP Chief of Police Dexter Johnson”

    The least you could have done was gotten his name right – that’s IRP Chief of Police POINdexter Johnson.

    Of course!

    🙂

    More seriously, thanks much for the laugh. I’m not a PF blogger but I read a lot of them, and the IRPs are real.

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      Ugh… their reach is far indeed. We need to get internet radar guns to have a beep alert or something

  13. Mr. Hobo Millionaire says:

    Funny. I found this post via that Reddit post PoF referenced above.

  1. June 10, 2018

    […]  It also means graduation time.  Accidental FIRE brings back his hilarious Turnip FIRE with Retirement Police Academy Graduates 2018 Class.  I will stop reading Turnip FIRE when he stops writing them or my eyeballs fall out.  Whichever […]

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