The FOMO Is Real And It’s Not What You Think

I went part time at my job in October 2017 after exceeding my target financial independence net worth.  I wrote about my initial experience with my new freedom last November, and again in April.  It’s my intention to keep doing updates as the journey progresses.

You can read about my latest experiences at work now that I’m a 20 hour a week has-been here.  Today’s post is an update about my experiences outside of work.  Otherwise known as the good parts of life.

I’m hoping that in telling my story of what it’s like to semi-retire, I can bring to light things to consider in your journey.


FOMO

The term FOMO stands for the fear of missing out. But missing out on what?

I’m now free from my W2 job and the shackles of an office building 20 hours a week, and thus spend a lot more time out and about.  I’m increasingly convinced that most people are missing out on the real world.

You know, the old familiar one that you can see, smell, and interact with.  The illness of “phone zombie-ism” has been spreading like a bad virus for years now, and I’m determined to inoculate myself.  The FOMO is real.

Here are some zombies caught on surveillance doing really stupid things.  Wait for the end.

Those are the innocuous ones, until the last one.  These zombies are increasingly slaughtering themselves and other humans every day.  Yeah, it’s all fun until people start dying.  And they’re dying.

The FOMO Is Real And It's Not What You Think

#SheWantsToDie #AndKillHerFriendToo #AndOthers
Car image created by Phduet – Freepik.com

One of the biggest reasons I went part-time at my W2 job after becoming financially independent was to get more of my life back.  Spending that much time on a proverbial treadmill in a sterile office is just not what humans are meant to do, nor what I’m meant to do.  You may disagree, and that’s fine.

But now that I’ve been at this semi-retired thing for about 9 months, it’s increasingly clear that I must be careful.  I’ve been using much of the freed up time on my two side hustles – my graphic arts shops and this blog.

The former makes decent money now and keeps increasing monthly, and still feels like 100% fun.  I really enjoy it. 

The blog?  Well, it’s more complicated…..

 

When Does Fun Become Work?

To be clear up front, I enjoy writing on this blog.  I’ve done stories about my life and how certain experiences relate to personal finance, and helped get me to financial independence.

I’m working on more data-type posts that are focused on helping those seeking geoarbitrage or those who live nomadically to optimize their finances.  And I have some cool plans for those types of post going forward.

The FOMO Is Real And It's Not What You Think

#GeeThisIsFun #WhoAreThesePeopleNextToMe? #TheGirlNextToMeLikesMeButFacebook
Credit

It’s also been an outlet for my admittedly warped sense of humor, even though those posts don’t perform too well.  They’re actually probably penalizing my blog for SEO, but I don’t really care (other bloggers be ghastin’).

I like doing them, and I think the world and the personal finance community need to laugh more.  They may not be Onion quality, but a few folks have given me good feedback and one person even said she laughed out loud once.  Made my day.

Here’s the problem.  I mentioned before my dislike of social media.  Well, getting back to phone zombies, I also have a general dislike of cell phones, or more specifically the ability to always be “on and connected”.

Most blog promotion in the community takes place on social media.  Despite Cal Newport saying that it’s “shallow work” and that it prevents deep work, I find that some is necessary when you’re a noob like me.  I do however agree that it’s shallow work.

But here’s the thing, I sometimes feel like I’m on a never ending treadmill.  At the end of the day I have this nagging voice in my head saying “Did you check Twitter?  Did you thank those folks who shared your post?  How about Reddit?  You might be missing a chance to promote a post…”

Enough already.

In short, because of the never ending tether to social media, my blog started feeling kind of like work a while ago.  Not fun.

As mentioned, I went part-time at my job to get off the W2 treadmill.  And I’ll be damned if I’m going to jump from one treadmill to another.

I have a big stash of FU money.  Coming from Baltimore I can be very liberal about dishing out FUs.

 

Reality Is Better Than Virtual Reality

When I leave my house and go out, my new rule for the past 2 months is that my phone stays in my pocket, very often in airplane mode.

I want to interact with and see the world – not my phone.  And Lord knows the real world isn’t through a screen.  That’s a memo that increasing numbers of people haven’t gotten.

So I took all social media apps off my phone a while ago.  I really only had Twitter on there anyway.  I took Facebook off over a year ago because I hate Facebook, it’s a massive memory and battery hog, and it’s not the real world.  It’s the curated world, with increasing levels of advertisements that you can’t block.

If you follow me on Instagram you may be wondering how I post there since you can only post with the mobile app.  I use my tablet, at home.  Easy peasy. Tablets unlike a full desktop use the mobile version of Instagram.

And I’ve never had the WordPress app on my phone because I don’t want to be able to check page views on my blog while I’m in line at Aldi.  I’d rather try to get out of my comfort zone and do something novel, like take note of the cashiers name and strike up a conversation.

 

Deliberate Time

To prevent my blog from feeling like work, my recent strategy has been to be deliberate and allocate specific time to it.  When I have a 2-hour window for the blog, I use it.

I may write, or I may promote.  But I do those things on my desktop or laptop at home, or at the library.  It’s deliberate time, and often scheduled.

And, I like to work on big screens – who wants to look at a tiny screen?  It’s easier to be productive with a big screen.

I will not scramble my outside time, be it at the store, at a red light, or waiting in the doctor’s office, by being on and looking at the world through my phone.  That treadmill is not for me, and it frankly has been making me feel stressed.

I sought financial independence to reduce stress, not increase it.  I sought financial independence to get off a treadmill, not to get on a different one.

Do I want my blog to succeed and make a lot of money?  Sure, that’d be nice.

But if getting to that means it has to become a job – with all the stress of the never ending social media treadmill, no thanks.  Or if that means changing my writing style to get a green light from an SEO algorithm, again, no thanks.

I’m in no hurry.  I’ve already recouped my 3-year blog hosting costs plus more.  I’m confident that I can succeed on my terms.   And success to me doesn’t mean this blog makes tons of money.  Success means it’s fun, I do what I want, and it doesn’t feel in any way shape or form like a job.

It’s unlikely my blog will blow up.  That’s okay.  Although I could see my blog becoming a ‘business’ one day, business doesn’t have to be work.  I could create an LLC from my graphic arts hustle right now and it’d still be the same fun.  But my blog strategy is closer to Angela who wrote this great post.  I’m doing it on my terms.

 

The Non-Gorilla Glass World 

I have FOMO, big time.  My fear is missing out on the world around me when I’m outside my house by being another phone zombie.  The FOMO is real indeed.

Not long ago, while sitting at a red light I saw a beautiful deer in some trees off to the side of the road.  I looked at the car to my right to point it out to the guy, and what do you know, his head was buried.  He was on his phone.

Who’s missing out?

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Dave @ Accidental FIRE

I reached financial independence and semi-retired in my mid-40's through hard work, smart living, and investing. This blog chronicles my journey and explores many aspects of personal finance including the psychological and behavioral factors that drive our habits.

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52 Responses

  1. Team CF says:

    “Reality Is Better Than Virtual Reality” heck yeah!
    Love that youtube video with the zombies, sad that this is how far we all have gotten…..

  2. Promoting a blog can feel like a full time job in itself. Those smartphone apps are always calling your name. Good job removing the temptation from your phone.

    Don’t knock Turnip FIRE – I can’t tell you how many times it has made me laugh, smile or chuckle this year. At least once a month I think about 50 cent changing his name to 68 cent to adjust for inflation. It makes me laugh every time.

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      So glad you like Turnip FIRE, that means a lot. I hope to keep it going. And Mr. 68 Cent has to watch out for that next Fed interest rate hike, he could be going higher 🙂

  3. xrayvsn says:

    I applaud you for taking this stance. I think I have fallen into some of the traps you mention (checking Twitter, blog page views on phone, etc).

    I can see how it can devolve into a 2nd job rapidly (and even worse as it can be a 24 hr work day if you allow it).

    When it starts to feel like a chore I take a break. Last night for instance I spent my whole evening vegging on couch watching TV.

    Too much of anything is bad so great job of recognizing it

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      Exactly. As much as I used to bash TV-watching, sometimes it now seems like a welcome diversion from the treadmill of social media.

  4. Completely agree, AF.

    I thought about going back to a flip phone for a while, but decided to try and use my smart phone less because of the need to take pics of my kids (seriously necessary with me and my horrendous memlry) and GPS for going places. I suppose I could have purchased a small digital camera and GPS for my car, but was just a lot less convenient.

    I have, however, deleted all of my personal social media apps from my phone. All I have now are the social media accounts for my website, and I don’t spend a ton of time on there.

    Been at the beach all week, and have been leaving my phone upstairs to make sure I am being present with my family. It’s been great.

    I like the way ya think!

    TPP

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      Sounds like we’re sympatico on this one Doc. I think a lot of folks out there are slowly coming ot the same realization.

      And I love my smartphone to have my music with me, and for GPS-related things (track workout etc). After that it’s usefullness falls off quickly.

  5. Ah who cares it’s just a dear! 🙂 hee! I’m kidding. I always think of that with concerts too. EVERYONE has their phone out and my thought is that they are missing it with their own eyes, and also that if every damn person has their phone on that artist, why not just use that footage later to “prove you were there?” The only exception I’ll make is the folks who were surprised by Sir Paul McCartney in London recently when he did carpool karaoke. Knowing my luck my iPhone battery would be on 10%. I digress. I feel similar about social media to promote but I know no other way to get the word out there. It’s still a hobby but a glorified one, which will soon…very soon become more important to showcase my work. I’m always torn.

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      Concerts have gotten so out of hand some atists have singed up to that phone locker service where folks have to check them at the door. Jack White of the White Stripes was a leader in that, he got so sick of it. I don’t blame him.

      There’s a time to take a pic or two, and time to just stare, watch, and enjoy But since the latter can’t be put on instagram it isn’t popular anymore.

  6. So glad you write your Turnip FIRE posts – SEO be damned. As you know, I very much do have the WordPress app on my phone as I write most of my posts that way, but I also only write two days a week, so that helps a lot to keep my blogging hours under control. With a young kiddo, I take what I can get 😉 Love the airplane mode trick – it’s one I use as well, especially when we go camping and it turns out we have cell service after all. Think I’ll work on doing this more often, though unfortunately I can’t while at work.

  7. Here I am, reading your post at 6:20am California time, hurrying to fill my backpack to head out on a hike. Yet, I love to read your blog. I recently got an email from a “groovy type” asking why I had not posted in a while. I am trying to put out a post on my trailer trips and I’m too busy! Off I go to the woods. I will try not to be a deer in the headlights!

    Oh, I don’t know if it was me, but I love Turnip and have laughed out loud many times. Keep it coming, lol.

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      We’re still waiting on those Yosemite pics Susan! The longer you wait between posts the more the anticipation builds up.

      Glad you like Turnip FIRE!

  8. i hate twitter and i’ve only been on there a week. i knew it wouldn’t be for me. blogging is fun and i want it to stay that way for me. did i ever tell you how much i detest cell phones? here’s my quote from my cell phone rant a few months back.

    The Cost is More Than the Price Per Month

    What does your device cost? For most people it would be a set dollar amount but what about the cost of all the interactions missed where you might have otherwise talked to somebody face to face? I think it’s becoming a lost art? I am here to tell you that being unreachable is a tremendous gift. It’s all about some balance. I’ve read articles that say the cost of owning and driving a car is outrageous each month and that’s what I have to say about the smart phone. If you had to choose, would you give up your car or your phone? And, if you think about it, look at the plastic in those things. As far as I know the Apple company hasn’t yet introduced a farm to table iPhone. There’s a little food for thought today.

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      well said freddy. i think the backlash has started with a few (including us) and i think more folks will start to see the craziness that the world has become. there’s also the dead bodies from the car wrecks from distraced drivers. maybe limited cell phone use will be the new minimalism?

  9. Caroline says:

    I go thru phases with social media but still can’t figure out Facebook! I don’t have any of the apps on my phone either.
    Living life has to be priority #1 otherwise what is the point of being FI/FIRE?

  10. Doc G says:

    Very good points here. I think I need to work on taking your example. While I don’t feel like the blog is work, promoting it definitely is.

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      Yes, the writing part is fun, except when i have writer’s block which you obviously have never heard of 🙂

  11. katsiki says:

    Using airplane mode is a great tip! So simple… Thanks for mentioning it.

  12. Good and important reminder. Our lives don’t live in our phones. It’s too easy to get sucked in and miss what’s around us.

  13. Arrgo says:

    Im about the same age as you and I think as you get a bit older and wiser you start to appreciate the simple things more than being in the rat race all the time. A beautiful day or view as you are out on your bike on driving somewhere. Wildlife, nature etc. I dont mind working to a point, but I no longer enjoy to full time commitment of 40 or 50 hrs a week + commute time at a corporate job. I want more of my personal time back and its hard to enjoy yourself when you are cramming your personal interests in after working all day or short weekends.

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      Exactly. The world is a beautiful place and interacting with it is what’s fun. I don’t want a piece of gorrilla glass between me and the world.

  14. drmcfrugal says:

    This is a neat twist to the idea of FOMO. I totally agree. A lot of people who are engrossed in their phones are missing out on real life.

    My wife and I did a trekked the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu via the Salkantay trek and for 5 glorious days we had no cell phone service and no connectivity to the social media world. It was wonderful and felt liberating.

    I’m like you. I use the airplane mode liberally. When I’m not in the hospital, my phone is almost always in airplane mode. It is definitely on airplane mode when in my pocket. Not only do I hate the feeling of being connected, I also don’t like the idea of my gonads being exposed to all that EMF radiation ;D

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      Awesome, I did the Inca Trail back in 2004! There were only flip-phones back then but it was still very nice to be out of range of everything and in a such a beautiful place.

      And the radiation is a WHOLE other matter. One study says one thing, another says something else. I know a lot about the electromagnetic spectrum and my gut tells me it’s not good. Time will probably tell.

      • drmcfrugal says:

        Yeah, I know there is conflicting studies. I’m just skeptical of studies that conclude cell phone radiation is harmless. Some are perhaps indirectly supported/sponsored by the telecommunications industry.

  15. Josh says:

    For those wanting to cut back on phone time, I had a good recent experience with the app “Moment.” It tracks your screen time so you can see how much daily time you spend on it. Pay the one time $3.99 fee to upgrade to premium and do the 14 day phone bootcamp. Each day is another task to reduce your phone usage and encourage good habit forming. No phone use in the bathroom, don’t pick up your phone as early as usual tomorrow morning, turn off all notifications, etc.
    I went from 3-4 hours a day on the phone to 1-2, and I’m much happier for it!

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      I read about that app on Lifehacker. So far I’m doing well but I should definitely look into it. Thanks!

  16. Mrs. Groovy says:

    I also desire to remain as unconnected as possible. We have no presence on FaceBook and I check my personal account once a month, if that. No social media on my phone. For more than a year I had been auto-scheduling tweets of posts using Buffer but I stopped doing that. It was like a part time job first thing in the morning.

    We’ve been blogging almost 3 years and have not made a penny. I’ve got nothing against it but just don’t have the desire to do the work — or to align with the folks who contact us about advertising.

    Seeing people at a table in a restaurant all on their phones is a pathetic site to me. I think “Is this what we’ve come to?”. I’d leave if my dinner companions preferred their phones to in-person company.

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      Wow, very cool. You guys have set your limits and stuck with what makes you happy. I assumed your blog was monetized, especially since you have a huge readership. But everyone has to decide the line between work and fun and how much they’re willing to cross into the work zone. If you don’t need to do what feels like ‘work’, then don’t. I’m still feeling that line out.

  17. Damn Millennial says:

    I can relate. I look forward to having the option of carrying my phone with me when I reach FI.

  18. Joe says:

    We’re all addicted to our phone to some degree. FOMO is real there and it’s almost impossible to escape. Nice job cutting out social media stuff. You don’t really need it.
    I have Twitter and Instagram on my phone, but I’m not that active on it. I only check it when I have a few minutes to sit. Normally, I catch up on social media stuff when I’m on the treadmill at the gym, but I’m taking the summer off from the gym to spend with my son. 🙂

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      Kudos to you for balancing it well. Perhaps running around all summer with your son will burn enough calories to fill the workout void anyway1

  19. Man this post really resonated with me. I find the more I’m active on social media the more my blog gets noticed.. but it’s also time consuming so it’s tough to really get away from that.

    At the same time I’m with you, even though I do have social media apps, when I’m out doing things or with friends I try to make a point about not looking at social media. I definitely slip up at yikes but it’s something I’m working on

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      I’m striving to find ways to market the blog more without social media. I’ll use it at home on my computer, but no more on the phone. The struggle is real

  20. genymoney.ca says:

    I love this post, thanks for writing it.

    I have been debating about deleting the Instagram on my phone. Social media is such a time waster and I hate how everyone looks like phone zombies.

    I deleted Facebook about 2 years ago and love that I have. It’s such a productivity killer.

    Instagram is creepy because they listen to you through the phone (I said Whoa you got a grand piano!! at my friend’s house and about 2 days later on my Instagram feed was an ad for a grand piano). I have since turned off my microphone. Posting on Instagram via the tablet is a good idea- I’ll think about that but how would I get my photos to the tablet (I am not techy and my iCloud space is used up).

    Or I might just delete it entirely.

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      After the Samsung “scandal” from maybe 5 or 6 years ago I learned to always keep my microphone off on my phone.

      The way I do Instagram is if I take a pic on my phone I just email it to myself, then I get it from email on the tablet and post there. Nice and easy. If I’m using my point & shoot (I still have a great one and it takes way better pics) I just transfer to the tablet by Bluetooth.

      Thanks for stopping by!

  21. Good practice! I need to try that more often too. The problem is my site gets a lot of spam and also a lot of requests, so I feel bad not clearing things up after a couple hours. I’m not good at social media and I don’t have an Instagram account. I don’t get Instagram. Is the goal just to show off one’s fabulous life? Isnt it all curated?

    Having a child really puts things in perspective. I’m slowly turning things down more. To spend more time on real life.

    Sam

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      I’m just a baby blog compared to you but the spam is starting to build up. I can’t imagine your volume.

      As for Instagram, yes there is a certain segment of users who are in it for the “look at me I rock” satisfaction and validation. I do tons of outdoor sports and really like photography so I enjoy seeing and posting outdoor pics. I’m also a graphic artist so I’m pretty visual. If it can bring a reader or two to my blog it can’t hurt, but overall it’s not very good for blog marketing in my experience.

  22. Dan K says:

    I have the fear of missing out all that the country has to offer. I love to travel and people ask why we would rather drive than fly. Because there is so much to see in this country when one drives. Social media is not living. It’s not real relationships. Getting out there and meeting new people and experiencing new things is living. But i have to admit, I do post my photos on Instagram.

    • Accidental FIRE says:

      I love driving, but only in open expanses and away from traffic and development. I live just outside of DC and hate driving here more than I can possibly put in words. I’ll avoid it whenever possible. But put me in Colorado or Utah and yeah, I know what you mean, it’s such a great way to see things. Same for bikes

  23. Seth @ Two Corporate Millennails says:

    Cheers, well done. I think you hit it on the head, because FOMO is a real thing and it’s so difficult to overcome. Thanks for sharing.

  1. July 1, 2018

    […] FIRE discusses the fear of missing out in The FOMO is Real and It’s Not What You Think. Writing is a great creative outlet but the constant promotion and networking can turn an enjoyable […]

  2. October 23, 2018

    […] I can’t say “I love it” because I don’t love any smartphones. I actually strongly dislike what they’ve done to our society in many ways.  But I also like very much the handy aspects of them (GPS, camera, emergencies, the random cat […]

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