Study Links Being Condescending, Fear Mongering To Owning Private Island


BALTIMORE – A groundbreaking and comprehensive study by scientists at John Hopkins University identified a strong link between being condescending and fear mongering to owning a private island.  “The results kind of surprised us”, said lead researcher John Cocktosen.  “The correlation between owning a private island, whether in a tropical ocean or even a lake, was highly associated with the behavior of needlessly arousing public fear in a condescending way.”  Cocktosen added “A full 89.7% of subjects who owned a private island conducted themselves in a patronizing and arrogant manner while warning of impending danger and spreading alarmist rhetoric, especially during podcasts.”  The results are so surprising Cocktosen expects to be working until he’s 75 or even 80 to figure it out.

As of press time, researchers emphatically noted we’re all going to die, and we’re not financially ready.

 

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Dave @ Accidental FIRE

I reached financial independence and semi-retired in my mid-40's through hard work, smart living, and investing. This blog chronicles my journey and explores many aspects of personal finance including the psychological and behavioral factors that drive our habits.

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30 Responses

  1. Xrayvsn says:

    Lol. A private island would be awesome (I used to watch a lot of shows on hgtv about those shopping for private islands and thought that would be the life).

    Maybe its better I didn’t go through with it according to this jhu study. Lol

    • Dave @ Accidental FIRE says:

      You know what they say, the two best days in a private island owners life are the day you buy it and the day you sell it 😉

  2. Hilarious! I can’t believe it’s only 89.7%

    Two Turnip FIREs in one week? Once you’ve tried a double stuffed Oreo, there’s not going back to regular stuffed. You’ve created a monster!

  3. Team CF says:

    Priceless mate, absolutely awesome.
    Can I request a daily dosis of turnips?

  4. Haha, wonder how many of our federal tax dollars went to figuring that one out? Maybe I should buy a private island just so I can practice up on some condescension 😉

  5. Tonya says:

    Hmmm, sounds like a “personal” “finance” “expert” who is on TV…. Who could it be? 🙂 Funny!

  6. All I can say about this study is that I “HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT!!!” Typical statistical lies, like that 4% rule. I’m going to buy an island right now, before I’m 65. If fear if I wait until l’m older, they will all be gone and I’ll have to live where all the idiots are, being subjected to earthquakes, floods, and health failures.

  7. 5am Joel says:

    I own an island. And it’s not that great. About 4% of the sand gets washed away every year and pretty soon there’ll be nothing left. I live in constant fear.

  8. steveark says:

    I have a friend who owns a private island. He is kind, generous and has no obvious alarmist tendencies. He is the only one I know so maybe he is an outlier. He is also a billionaire.

  9. I can’t IMAGINE what brought this one on… 😉

  10. This is hilarious and spot on. Oh, suzy. Losing touch.

  11. ….and nobody else wanted to mention that john cocktosen is FLETCH? c’mon everybody. go back and watch it again.

  12. GenX FIRE says:

    This is really funny.

  13. A private island? You. Can. Not. Afford That.

  14. Gasem says:

    I would hate owning a private island. Then I would need a private Navy to protect me. Who needs the headache?

    • Dave @ Accidental FIRE says:

      Exactly. Prices on Aircraft Carriers have gone up almost as much as college tuition. Such a hassle…

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