Whole Foods Announces $21 Trillion Refund And Apology
AUSTIN, TX – Whole Foods, Inc. announced this week it will be giving a massive $21 Trillion refund to it’s millions of customers for overcharging all these years. “We’re coming clean”, said company chief spokesperson Kyle Boddington. “It all started as a joke, and it got a bit out of hand. And here we are”. Boddington went on to explain the origins of the company as an argument over beers whether or not people would pay outrageous prices for groceries if the “experience” was packaged carefully. “So we purposely charged insane prices. But the decor was nice, right?” He said they soon discovered they could charge whatever, as long as customers felt they were part of something “restorative” and “virtuous”, and left with the thrill of living beyond their means and delaying their retirement.
Boddington added “We sold the same organic pears from the same sources that Aldi did, but we charged 4 times as much. I think we could have priced them higher still, but eventually the guilt set in. I mean, I do feel guilty but those guys that run Aldi are fashion-deaf rubes… c’mon, they actually have Android phones, need I say more!?” Boddington didn’t detail how refunds would be handled, but hinted at “bottomless kombucha brunch ‘n yoga” events to give refunds in person.
We have one location south island and if you are frugal you can find deals but I do agree, if you just went in there not paying attention it could be a pricey experience. My local bakery and independent grocer while not hip, keep me dialed 🙂 No guilt on their part LOL
Have a great weekend
Yes! I’ve said the same thing. As a frugal shopper, I routinely shop at Whole Foods because I know they have some of the best prices for certain things. For example, their organic swiss chard is always cheaper than at my farmers market. Their organic spinach and baby carrots are always cheaper than anywhere else I’ve found. Once they reduced the price of their bananas, other stores followed suit, but they tend to get nicer looking bananas than anyone else I’ve noticed.
Last night I dropped by Sprouts, which is known as the poor man’s Whole Foods. Their organic swiss chard was the same brand as the one Whole Foods carries, but was 50 cents more expensive was already rotting. I never get rotting food at Whole Foods because nothing stays on the shelves long enough to rot!
Anyway, Dave knows I’m a Whole Foods lover, and I love this post! 🙂 I would like a refund, though.
the check is in the mail!
Too many people probably get lured in by a cheap item or two then succumb to getting robbed when they can’t resist other things. That’s their model. Being dialed is good 🙂
oh, the “whole paycheck’ market. any time you can work “rubes” into a blog post it’s a big win. well said.
Rube has always been one of my favorite words, just behind jabroni.
jabroni – yep. that resonates!
I am such a rube with my Android phone. It even cost under $150! Thanks for this post so I understand my position in this world.
My Android cost $90, so I’m more rube-y than you. It’s good to know one’s position, eh? 🙂
😄
SO many of basically the same things at PCC or Trader Joe’s are cheaper than WF. Though WF does do less plastic pretty well.
I’m mostly TJ’s and Aldi. Sometimes go to the farmers market in my city to support the locals.
oh and btw, those “organic” fruits we sold you….they were just regular fruits, but the stickers on them were “organic”
Ha, I prefer my stickers to be organic, with no nasty sticker hormones or chemicals!
The funny part is that there is a lot of truth to this, just put a high on something and it will sell. I was researching an auto-parts supplier once and they were making a great product but it wasn’t selling. How did they fix it? They raised the price. Originally it was price to low and people associated a low price with junk. Great quick post, the onion is always good for a laugh.
Yep, I’ve seen that research too. Read an article somewhere where they did it with shoes. They took a pair of $15 PayLess shoes and slapped a $400 price tag on them and filmed people. Everyone raved about them and said they were super high quality.
People are weird. Thanks for the kudos!
I shop at WFS on 14th st and union square,.. often.. always s high bill .. yess I’ll appreciate a refund.
I hear the checks are in the mail, but please don’t hold your breathe 😉
Is this a reprint from April fools?
HA, no it better than that. It’s Turnip FIRE, the best satirical money news on the web!
Thanks for stopping by!
Exquisitely done!
Thanks Steve!