Sacrifice Is Not A Dirty Word

She was deceptively beautiful, with the kind of stoic and determined demeanor that let you know she wasn’t playing games. When other students traded jokes or discussed movies during breaks, she read the next lessons material.  She rarely talked.

Her name was Anna, and she was a Captain in the Moldovan Army.  If you’re geography challenged like most Americans Moldova is actually a sovereign nation.  It’s one of the 15 countries that gained independence after the breakup of the Soviet Union in 1991. 

It was the year 2000, and I was keenly aware that Anna was only 9 years free from the tyrannical handcuffs of communism.  This was her first trip to America, she was chosen by her country to attend a prestigious class from the United States Department of Defense. 

That distinction was an honor but also came packaged with pressure and fear.  Any interaction with her revealed those emotions and more.  This was after all a class that only the best in the U.S. Military were chosen to attend. 

I was the lead instructor, and I was determined to crack the bulletproof facade she seemed to wear like a badge of honor.

 

Camaraderie Builds

When you teach a three week in-resident class you get to know the students pretty well, and friendships form easily.  Social events start blooming as a special camaraderie starts to build between the students.  The class is hard, they’re away from home, and they’re in it together. 

On the first weekend of this class a small group of students got together at a sports bar to have a few drinks and de-stress.  As their instructor I was keen to avoid these get togethers until the end of the class.  It’s essential to keep the instructor-student dynamic professional to conduct a good class, but at the end all bets were usually off and I would socialize with the students freely. 

I had been tracking the chatter around Anna, no one had yet convinced her to exit her shell.  A few hot-shot U.S. Air Force officers tried to get her to come out to the bar with them numerous times but were unsuccessful.  It sort of became a challenge to them, their libido’s perhaps driving the chase. 

But Anna was unwavering, and she would retreat to her hotel room after class every night.  By the third week lots of buzz was building about a big party Friday night after graduation.  A few officers had hotel rooms that were next to each other and they planned to host the festivities. 

As Friday approached I asked Anna a few times if she was planning to go and she just smiled wryly and shook her head no.  Well I was surely going.

 

The Opportunity

After class on Friday I was hurriedly cleaning up the room to head to the party and saw that Anna left one of her class manuals behind.  She was leaving on Saturday night and I’m sure she wanted the book, so I thought this was my opportunity. 

I drove to her hotel to give it back to her, and she was surprised to see me and even more surprised to see that she forgot her book.  I could see how grateful she was, and that simple gesture seemed to open her up. 

We chatted for a minute or two and I asked her again if she would go to the party.  She said she wanted to go but didn’t have a gift to bring. 

Aha, so that’s it. 

I laughed and told her a gift wasn’t necessary and that the other students would love to see her.  She hesitatingly invited me in her hotel room and after some more prodding said she would go but she needed to make a quick phone call.  I found out later she had to check with her military command.

In the room I saw cans of tuna fish on the table.  I asked her about them and she seemed very embarrassed.  She eventually spilled the beans and told me she’d been eating tuna from the can almost the whole time she’d been in the states…

 

Sacrifice

I finally broke through her shield.  As we headed to the party she opened up and told me that this trip was a once in a lifetime opportunity for her to make a lot of extra money.  The Moldovan government was giving her a per diem, and it was pretty darn generous by Moldovan standards. 

She was a divorced single Mom trying to make her way in a country still struggling to figure out freedom and capitalism.  So instead of using her per diem to get normal meals or to go to restaurants like the other students, she went to the grocery store and bought cans of tuna.   

She had a few cans each day with some water, and was banking the rest of the money.  She was determined to save as much as humanely possible for her and her daughters future on this once in a lifetime trip.

 

A Better Future

Sacrifice often seems to be a dirty word today.  It’s associated with struggle, deprivation, and unhappiness.  But it has another side, a side that seeks a higher purpose. 

Most worthwhile achievements and pursuits require sacrifice.  Success and overall happiness are reliant upon doing things that are not fun in the moment.  For instance my fitness relies on hard and uncomfortable workouts. 

Sacrifice means forgoing some happiness now for a better future. 

And that doesn’t mean forgoing overall happiness.  Anna told me she loved the trip and I’m sure it made her happy.  But I’m guessing she wasn’t so happy while eating tuna out of the can a few times a day. 

There’s a big difference between fleeting moments of unhappiness and overall unhappiness, the former isn’t a predictor of the latter. 

Did I make sacrifices on my accidental journey to financial independence?  You bet.  I lived in crappy places, drove crappy cars, and front loaded my career by working insanely long hours in my 20’s and 30’s.  Was I unhappy overall during those times?  Hell no.  Sure I had times of unhappiness like any other person, but I was not an unhappy person.  I sacrificed, and now I’m reaping the rewards.

Sacrifice is also selfless when the goal is for the betterment of someone else, as in Anna’s goal to provide for her daughter.  I highly doubt financial independence or early retirement are in the playbook for her, she just wants to make sure she has enough to feed her daughter.

Today Moldova is still one of the poorest countries in Europe, and was in much worse shape back in 2000 with the nasty aftertaste of communism still everywhere.  Anna’s willingness to sacrifice as much as possible on her trip to try to get ahead is pretty admirable.  And to me it shows that no matter what life throws at her she’s going to come out a winner.