NASA Perseverance Rover Finds Life On Mars, Government Immediately Sends Stimulus Check

JEZERO CRATER, MARS – In one of the biggest discoveries humankind has ever made, the NASA rover Perseverance has confirmed the existence of microbial life on Mars.  The U.S. Government reacted by immediately sending a $1400 stimulus check to the single-celled microbes, who may or may not be experiencing financial stress at the present time according to field reports.  “We have this great big money printing machine”, said Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell “and to be honest I thought it’d be another great opportunity to press the button.  I like watching it print, it’s cathartic”.

With a ravenous desire to keep printing money and sending out checks officials are exploring the animal kingdom here on Earth to see where financial assistance might be needed.  “There’s a lot of growth opportunity in our stimulus program, I think we’re just scratching the surface right now but adding microbes on Mars is a great way to get more greenbacks out there and broaden our portfolio.”