Dreaming of Lambos
Envy.
(noun) “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.”
It turns out this undesirable emotion has evolutionary origins and came about for a pretty good reason. It’s basically a survival mechanism, a way to motivate ourselves.
We humans are kin-based and hierarchal, and to progress as an adolescent and adult through the system we need to move up. To do that we learned to pay attention to those who had more than us in the tribe, and emulate them. Back in caveman days, for males that meant the bigger men who had spears and muscles and killed the game, or fought off the neighboring tribe.
The end goal was to rise through the system to propagate your genes, then hang around as long as you could until you died. Which was soon.
Envy served us well in those days but it’s mostly mal-adaptive in modern society. Now we don’t just see our tribe, we see the world, everyone.
Bouncing Pecs
The other day on a run I passed a shirtless dude running the other way. He was pretty ripped. His pecs were bouncing up and down as he ran, and I immediately thought “damn I could do a million push ups and not get pecs like that, but I wish I could”.
I’m not ashamed at all to admit that I want to look like him. And after researching envy and it’s origins I now know that I really shouldn’t be ashamed of the feeling. Back in the caveman days that guy was the one who’d kick the asses of the raiding tribe and then kill the buffalo afterward.
The good part of envy is that it can motivate us to do better, to achieve. This is especially good if the thing you envy is healthy, or betters society. Unfortunately in todays world much of what is envied is not so good…
I Want A Lambo
Haha, regular readers know I don’t want a Lamborghini. But much of society does. I admit it would be cool to drive one just for 20 minutes to see what it’s like. But then I’d be done.
There are lots of bikes, kayaks, and standup paddleboards I want though, some very much. And I already have 6 bikes, two standup paddleboards, and a kayak.
Me Want
Obviously I should not pursue these feelings.
So how do we deal with envy in a world it wasn’t really designed for? I’ve tried hard recently to not feel ashamed when I am envious, to realize it’s natural. But then I immediately try to examine the thing I’m envying and assess if it can help me in life. That’s hard. Many folks think a Lambo will help them in life.
In the end I don’t think we can defeat the emotion itself, we’re hard-wired for it. The parlor trick is in breaking it down case by case and only acting on it when it serves a good purpose in life.
Every day I don’t buy that bike above is a day I win. But if I do succumb and buy it one day at least it’s an object that makes and keeps me healthy, unlike a Lambo.
I’m rationalizing it already 🙂
I drove a Ferrari 408 on a racetrack and would recommend…I got to push it pretty hard and it was like $200 for the experience. Now I know what it’s like. No need for envy…as you’d expect it’s fun but no more (or less) than that. Happy cycling
Perfect!
booyah!
Very cool! I could see paying $200 to do that just for the experience. But it’s like a boat, I love boats, especially when I get to go on them and someone else owns them.
nicer teeth would be cool if i had to envy something. we were at a beach rental in n.c. a couple of months ago and there was a fancy car parked a couple of blocks from our place. i had to go look as it was so unusual and it turned out to be a mclaren. i looked up the cost and it was something like $250k.
then i got to thinking. we are vacation at the same “average/non exclusive” beach and swimming in the same ocean. and i don’t have 4 ex-wives who were all banging the gardener AND treating me crappy when i got home from whatever i had to do to pay for the car.
all that being said if somebody handed me a million after tax bucks i could surely waste some of it on frivolity.
Haha, one of your best comments dude. But the ex-wives would have likely been banging the pool boy, I’m not sure gardeners are in hot demand but could be wrong. And since I’m not a car guy I had never even heard of a McLaren, looked them up and wow they pretty much look like Lamborghinis to me. I guess there’s enough money and demand out there to keep all of these crazy things alive. I’m sure there’s a good number of asshat celebrities who sound off about climate change online but have these in the garages of one or more of their mansions. Such is our world
I have been struggling with this after I recently went down a wild camping youtube hole. I really want a particular lightweight tent. The thing is, my rational head is aware that even if I did spend the money on it, it would spend most of the time unused. What I REALY want is the opportunity to go and use it regularly.
Unfortunately I am not at a point in life where I can abandon my family (and work) to go walking in the hills on my own for a few days. Someday maybe. Until then I will have to stick with the odd family camp (which is anything but lightweight).
Lightweight tents, don’t get me started!! Which one has your eye – Tarptent, Durston, Zpacks? I’ve been eyeing up the Zpacks Duplex Zip but at $730 I’m not willing to pull the trigger. You put it perfectly, I have to realize it’ll get 5 – 7 uses a year. Right now I have an old Big Agnes that comes in at 2lbs 5 ounces which isn’t bad and has served me well. I should ride her out till she fails.
oh man…and here I thought I was going to get off lucky with just my bike spending….fortunately my UL backpacking kit is dialed and unlike bikes once you have it, often it last for years and years without need for change. side note ~ Dan is an aquaitance and past fellow islander, as a friend I want to buy his tents but our very volcanic hard alpine surfaces require me to have a freestanding and not a pole pitch tent.
I’ve gone down the ultralight rabbit hole online soooo many times but every time I have to step away and realize that 5 or 6 ounces is NOTHING. I deliberately pick up something that weighs 6 ounces and say “is this what you’re spending hours online trying to save?”. It can get a bit ridiculous
It was a Durston I was eyeing up. As it happens, I am just back from camping as a leader at a scout jamborette. Pretty much the exact opposite of lightweight wild camping, but it was great fun and is nice to volunteer and enable kids to take part in such a large international event.
I need to stop reading the backpacking light forums, every time I go on there I end up close to buying something I don’t really need, haha
Thanks for sharing, Dave! As a fellow cyclist, I can relate to the immense bike-envy you described just about every time I do a group ride. And not to mention that one of those group ride participants not only has a super-nice bike, but he also shows up to them in his Porsche Taycan!
I wrote something quick over the weekend (spurred on by visiting a neighbor’s lake house and later lurking on too many FIRE subreddits) that has similar tones to your post: https://www.anonlinearlife.blog/mansions-and-multimillion-dollar-incomes-living-in-a-world-of-easy-to-access-survivorship-bias/
My main road bike is a $2500 model that does me well, but virtually every group ride I go on I’m on the cheapest bike by far. A friend of mine just dropped $13,000 for the top of the line Specialized model, insanity. He’s a super-strong rider and he can still drop me on a $1,000 bike.
I absolutely love my bikes and do my best to resist N+1 all the time. What helps me rationalize bike spending is that it is recreation, transport (I do my best to go car-free), physical health, mental health and community connection. So aside than basic necessities, bikes are the nicest consumerism that I do which at least has some net benefit and ROI. BUT !!…. 100% I do catch myself comparing and dreaming of some of those fancy bikes out there.
” it is recreation, transport (I do my best to go car-free), physical health, mental health and community connection” – I agree and well said!