Self Control Is Hard, Make It Irrelevant
Recently I was in line at the grocery store and a guy in front of me grabbed a candy bar off the shelf, opened it and started munching. I assumed he was going to pay for it since he was in clear view of the girl behind the register.
When she started checking him out he said “And don’t forget this Kit Kat bar, I couldn’t help myself, I’m starving and needed something!”
The guy violated the 1st rule of grocery shopping.
Just Don’t Do It
The first rule of grocery shopping isn’t to buy organic, nor is it to “only shop the outside aisles”. Both of those are good advice, the latter depending on how the store is set up.
The rule is: Never go grocery shopping when you’re hungry. Just don’t.
You could flip it around as: Only go grocery shopping when you’re full. Either one works.
I honestly thought this was pretty common knowledge but apparently not. So I dug into it and found some controversy. The advice gained popularity from a 2013 study out of Cornell University published in JAMA. Bottom line, the study was eventually retracted in 2018 due to the questionable research methods it used.
But another study published in 2018 in Science Direct that used actual brain scanning and neuroimaging confirmed that going to the store hungry is probably not a good idea. It proved through brain scans that our inhibitions lessen and we have more difficulty resisting high-calorie foods when we’re hungry.
Self control goes out the door.
To me it’s a silly argument, do we really need studies for this? Try it yourself, go to the store when you’re starving and go another time when you’re stuffed. I’m sure there are exceptions, but most people will behave very differently.
Self Control Is Hard, Make It Irrelevant
Not in my house…
People who are best at self control are actually best at setting up situations where they don’t have to exercise self control. They make it irrelevant.
If you want to be better at writing and avoiding distractions, then you have to set up a system to do that. That means putting your phone in another room, closing other browser tabs, and focusing.
It’s no different with food. If you have unhealthy processed foods, candy, and junk food in your kitchen you’re constantly forcing yourself to harness tons of self control and discipline to avoid them. It’s a setup for failure.
“It’s right there… there’s no harm in having that snickers, I’m so friggin’ hungry…..”
The problem of course is that there is harm in that snickers.
When I go to my kitchen for a snack or a meal, it’s guaranteed that I won’t eat processed food or junk food. It’s actually impossible to do so – because it’s not in my house.
By going to the grocery store full I make good food decisions at the point of purchase, because I’m not tempted by cravings. That snickers doesn’t seem so appetizing after a massive breakfast.
I push the crucial decisions – the ones that demand self control – to a singular visit in the store, not multiple visits to my kitchen. I’ve set up a system that prevents me from ever being tempted in my house.
Your Money – Set It And Forget It
Automation is your friend
Astute money nerds probably see where I’m going with this. Just as I set up a system to eliminate my need to exercise self control around food choices, I also did it for my money. It was a huge factor in my achieving financial independence.
The key is to automate, to set it and forget it. If you have an employer sponsored 401k or 403b, then set it and forget it. If you don’t have access to these investment vehicles you should automatically set aside money to go into your savings and investments. That means every paycheck.
By automating your savings you’re creating a system that prevents you from having to exercise self control and discipline with that money. You won’t be tempted to spend it because it’s not in your checking account. It’s gone.
I realize that for many people the fact that it’s gone doesn’t matter. They have no problem spending anyway by simply racking up consumer credit card debt. Those folks have a problem on a whole different level, and it’s a serious problem.
If you’re reading my blog you’re likely not in that group.
But for most, setting up a system to automatically invest right from your paycheck is a way to avoid having to exercise self control. This is also called paying yourself first.
Tame The Wild Horse
The Greek philosopher Plato wrote that the human experience is a constant struggle between the mind and the body, between intellect and impulse.
In his book Phaedrus (<– affiliate link) he used the allegory of the human soul as a chariot being pulled by two horses. One is a good and noble horse that steers us toward honor. The other is a wild horse, the horse of compulsion and desires.
I achieved financial independence and completely revamped my body by setting up systems to avoid temptation, to crush the wild horse. Self control and willpower are really hard, we’re creatures of impulse.
Make them irrelevant when you can.
For both food and money I make it as easy as possible and stack the odds in my favor. I can’t eat shitty foods that don’t exist in my house. And during my journey to FI I wasn’t likely to spend money that I never saw.
I’m not perfect of course, and I fall off the good horse sometimes. But knowing the health and riches the good horse has helped me attain, I always get back on.
Your turn – Do you go to the grocery store after eating? Do you have systems to prevent temptations in other parts of life?
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Great post, carefully designing (and restricting) your choice architecture is key to enforcing positive habits. My self-discipline is more or less that of the classic millennial: any operation that requires my attention for more than 15 seconds is avoided – if it doesn’t happen automatically, it just doesn’t happen. That’s why all my monthly investments are set on auto-pilot.
“choice architecture” – I love that term, thanks for that!
I couldn’t agree more. Discipline and motivation will fail you sooner or later, so don’t depend on them. Set up systems that do all the heavy lifting for you.
Yep, I like to think of my systems as blockers in football. Big 300lb dudes paving the way for me to go forward.
Having a teenage daughter really makes it hard to avoid some sort of junk food in my house. For the most part I am great at avoiding it. But sometimes in a weak moment, often combined with the unhealthy practice of eating it late at night, I indulge.
I agree that out of sight out of mind works with junk food and money.
We all have weak moments, I just try to not have them in the grocery store. If I have them at home it’s usually carrots and avocado dip, which ain’t half bad health-wise. But I can plow down A LOT in one sitting.
Well said. Will power and self discipline are important, but also having some kind of system in place can be helpful also. And if you do end up giving in once in a while, practice moderation. Dont pack yourself with snacks, candy, or ice cream like you might have otherwise. Just have a smaller reasonable amount as a compromise. It may seem hard at first, but you will feel better about yourself later or the next day. Financially I’ve made out really well after investing for over 25 years. I’ve never made a lot of money working or by timing the perfect investments. But I have always put in money automatically and its saved me. I just paid into my accounts like a bill and never thought much about it. Any market timing I have tried to do has never worked out better than the automatic investing really. Im sure I could have done better making lump sum investments over the years, but I’ve still done really well by just dollar cost averaging automatically.
“pay your accounts like a bill”… yep, great way to say it. Dollar cost averaging in to low cost index funds – starting at a young age – is a surefire way to financial freedom. It takes very minimal effort, just set up the systems and don’t lust for “all the things”
Dave,
When I was young, I wanted own my own business. Any business. As an accountant, I knew I had to learn new areas of expertise. So I worked hard and put myself into positions for promotions, and oftentimes relocation. Every time I relocated, my employer paid the closing fees on the buying and selling side as an inducement to relocate. I took the money I saved from closing fees and applied the full equity on the sale of an improved home to the down payment of a larger house. I did this 7 times and wound up with a very nice home i could not have otherwise afforded.
it took discipline and hard work to keep my eye on the prize of working my way up the ladder and moving my family, but we found excitement in the moves and the side effect of saving money on closing costs proved to be immense in building wealth.
Eventually i had the job skills necessary to own my own business, I bought 3 successful grocery stores.
John
Wow, three grocery stores, that’s awesome! And probably makes you feel good to as you’re providing food to customers. I do have to say thought that “finding excitement in the moves” is a hard concept for many to probably grasp 🙂
I love this topic Dave. It works well for both avoiding things and ensuring that you do the right things. I’ve tried to engineer my life and my apartment so that it’s as easy as possible to do the ‘right’ things. I wanted to play Uke more but I used to keep it in a case in my closet. Now I just leave it out of the case on a stand by my couch and play almost every day instead of just when I remember about it. Same for working out. I leave my kettlebells right next to the couch where it’s as easy as possible to get a quick workout in and even if I only have 5 or 10 minutes, they get used almost every day now. I do like the occasional glass of wine but I keep the bottles stored in the most pain in the ass place to get to in my closet and pretty much forget that I even have them. When they were stored in my kitchen, I had more nights with a glass of wine than I did without. Small change but big results. Automating your savings is a huge win.
Nice! I also keep my guitar(s) out to make a better habit of playing them. There’s one 3 feet away from me right now 🙂 It works, when I hear a song I like I sometimes just quickly grab a guitar and work out the chords. And hiding things you want to cut down on is another great hack, I do that sometimes too!
Curb-side pickup means that I can unlink my hunger levels with when I shop. Might even keep that shopping method after COVID. 🙂
I thought about adding that into the post but since I don’t do it myself I couldn’t really speak from experience. But curbside and full-on delivery are probably a good way to avoid temptation – thanks Pete!
thankfully i do only around 5% of the grocery shopping for the household. i have to beg mrs. smidlap not to buy certain snacks. she can easily eat only a handful of chips with salsa. me? not so much. as far as the money goes i was just helping a friend set up her first brokerage. she thought it was one and done. i had to break the news that wealth building works much better if she can add some at regular intervals. i want her to be a financial lumberjack.
The damn chips, they get us all. I gave ’em up at the start of the pandemic. I’ve been chipless and I’m okay with it. As for Missy, get her a nice old-school wool flannel and a chainsaw!
I don’t shop hungry, and I go early in the day when which is the time when I am less tempted by treats. I also have set up rules for myself like “if you want a dessert, you have to make it yourself at home.” I usually don’t want it enough to pull out the ingredients and wait for it to cook; most cravings go away in about 15 minutes. After a few days in a row with no sugary treats, I find them less appealing. I only buy one kind of chips, since I have trouble stopping when I eat chips, but if I only have corn chips, I’ll get bored of those and quit after only one serving. I considered not buying chips at all, but my husband really likes them, so he gets tortilla chips.
The dang chips, they’re engineered to be addictive. The saltiness, the crunch. As I said to Freddy I went cold-turkey on them. Corn really isn’t good for us, and for a while I had switched to sweet potato chips but I gave those up too. They’re too tempting. It’s a constant struggle, good luck with it 🙂
Wait a minute! We’re trying NOT to eat the junk food?! 🙂
Ha, I “think” so… let me check my notes again
Perfectly architected, beautifully crafted post. In the end this is obviously a big key to life. Creating a system that avoids having to make decisions or bad choices, or help you to be consistent is the best thing you can do in life.
Thanks for the kudos!
This is one of those reasons why people should NEVER go to the grocery store hungry. I admit I gave in to my urges and actually did some impulse buying at the cash register…. There’s less of that at Starbucks because our attention is all on our phones but at grocery stores?
When you’re the one waiting until others are getting the grocery stores, you just really don’t want to get on the phone and take your attention away from all of the delicious candy bars that are staring at you right in the face.
Self control is such an underrated skill.
Well said!
My strategy is to go in with a list and stick to the list. It helps that I don’t particularly like retailing, so it’s generally a race to see how quickly I can escape. Like you, I don’t have temptations in the kitchen and when I do, I just concede to my lack of will. For example, the 2 chocolate bars I got 2 days ago that somehow no longer exist 😎. The analogy to the financial aspect is spot on.
Haha, I too consider any time in a retail store as a race to escape. Ideally I’d like to zip right to what I need and zip the hell out.
I try to be in and out at the store. I’m a list user when it comes to groceries—more because I forget items I need. But it does help buying unnecessary stuff.
There’s a quote I like that this post brings to mind that I’ll paraphrase: “We all suffer from one of two pains. The pain of discipline or the pain of regret.”
I don’t do lists per se but mostly keep a rough one in my head. And I love that quote!
“People who are best at self control are actually best at setting up situations where they don’t have to exercise self control.” What a brilliant point. I know that I have zero self control. Zero. I would eat sweets and spend money with abandon if I didn’t create rules for myself like what you described. I only look like I have self control because I don’t keep junk food in the house and keep myself on a strict “fun money” allowance. And anytime I break those rules, like by making cookies or splurging on something fun, all self control is immediately out the window. Setting up situations that don’t require self control totally works!
Sounds like you really need the blocking systems in place. With pizza it’s the same for me, once I start eating it you have to pull me away!
I rarely go to the grocery store before meal time. I know if I do, I’d buy more stuff. But my grocery buying habit is pretty good already so it’s just more ingredients, not a huge deal.
You’re exactly right about junk food. I try not to buy them, but they make their way home occasionally. 🙂
“make their way home occasionally.” Yep, when I said I was imperfect that’s what I meant. But I try to keep occasionally a very rare thing…
This is very true. You can’t eat the garbage foods if you don’t buy them. The trick is knowing how NOT to buy them. Not going to the store when you’re hungry is a great tip!
I simply don’t walk down the junkfood isles. I come prepared with a list and I mostly stick to it. This goes a long way to keeping our food budget at or around $500/month.
You have enough discipline to go into a grocery store and just “don’t walk down” the junk food aisles. Most folks don’t. Plus most stores sprinkle the shitty toxic poisonous junk foods all over the place nowadays to get folks to impulse buy, and I’m sure it works.