Aries After getting your first Bluehost affiliate sale, you’ll take your girlfriend to Applebees with that coupon you photoshopped. Taurus Travel and adventure are in your future this week as your local Aldi is closed for renovation, forcing you to...
BROADVIEW, WA – Shelly Olson, a local woman who took the advice of her friends and family and followed her passion of becoming an artist, just borrowed $15 for some sushi and pho according to reporters. “It’s been great, I’ve...
After a comprehensive study scientists confirm that refrigerators from Viking do indeed keep beer at a temperature that they can only categorize as “premium cold”. Lead researcher Derek Masserbaum said “Our test results show that when kept in the Viking...
SAN FRANCISCO – After reluctantly being dragged into “The Pavilion”, a local establishment that looked as boring on the outside as it’s name suggests, area foodie Brianna Davis emerged perplexed that her meal actually tasted good. “I feel weird saying...
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a statement released on Wednesday Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellin warned that irrational exuberance has been replaced with ill-informed stupidity. Hearkening to a term coined by former Fed Chair Alan Greenspan, Yellin said that “At least...
Area loser Chris Knittle was informed by online calculator FireCalc that he would be a loser in every possible time period in history. Knittle spent Saturday morning excitedly plugging his data into the online calculator, popular with the financial independence...
PHILADELPHIA, PA – In a corporate announcement today, Comcast Inc. said it will be raising monthly charges of customers across the board just for shits and giggles. “Comcast continues to provide the best possible services and technologies for our customers,...
Hiya Turnip FIRE! readers, the new year is almost upon us. You’re a silly bunch, but you need to stop being silly with your money. Follow these tips for an un-silly 2018.. Instead of: Taking out a loan for that...
ATLANTA – I’m at your service! Investing can be intimidating, scary even. When you invest with Winston Sterling Esq. you can be assured your money is in good hands and will benefit us both greatly! I need a new hot...
NEW YORK – Goldman Sachs analysts say Bitcoin is heading into a traditionally strong three-minute period of growth, based on historical data. “The data show that the period of 2:34 – 2:37 on Saturdays is very strong for Bitcoin growth”,...
SAN FRANCISCO – In a failed attempt at frugality, area resident Jeff Mayer started bringing his lunch to work, using takeout service Grubhub. “All the personal finance blogs recommend bringing lunch to work to start saving coin”, he commented. “So...
NEW YORK – Stockbroker Ryan Pullen who owes over $20,000 in consumer credit card debt just purchased a Rolex watch that, coincidentally, can operate 20,000 feet underwater. “This thing is amazing!” shouted Pullen, who is a poor swimmer and has...
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2025 Activity Tracker
Cycling: 434 Miles
Running: 76 Miles
Hiking: 18 Miles
Paddling: 0 Miles
Climbing Days: 1
2024 Activity Tracker
Cycling: 5209 Miles
Running: 330 Miles
Hiking: 46 Miles
Paddling: 86 Miles
Climbing Days: 1
2023 Activity Tracker
Cycling: 5400 Miles
Running: 472 Miles
Hiking: 37 Miles
Paddling: 96 Miles
Climbing Days: 6
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