Category: Turnip Fire!

10

Your Money Horoscopes

Aries You’ll achieve new levels of hypocrisy when you drive an eighth of a mile to the nail salon in your massive SUV immediately after bitching about climate change on Twitter. Taurus After reading self-help books, you try to take...

24

Welcome To The FUCT Movement

Proponents and champions of the financial movement called “FUCT” which stands for “Financially Uneducated Complete Trainwreck” held their first conference recently, called FUCTCON.  The FUCT movement has been around for a while but has seen massive growth in recent years. ...

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Everyone Orders Water At FI Blogger Meetup

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Sources report every Financial Independence blogger attending the meet up at the corner table of the local “Ramen Emporium” ordered water.  Waiter Josh Crawford was reportedly ecstatic to see a party of nine enter the restaurant, hoping...

12

Scientists Discover Mysterious Click Funnel So Powerful Even Light Can’t Escape

PASADENA, CA – NASA scientists have discovered an online click funnel so powerful even light can’t escape.  Using the new Kepler telescope, precise gravitational measurements, and mass spectrometry, scientists have confirmed the existence of what they have labeled “click-funnel MPBM3”...

15

5 Sweet Gifts, Turnip FIRE Approved

We all know how the holidays work.  To show your true love and affection for someone, you have to spend.  The more you spend on them, the more you clearly communicate your appreciation.  The world is great. So on this...

13

Your Money Horoscopes

Aries You’ll realize your frugality is out of control while waiting to meet a stranger in a back alley for a bag of aluminum cans. Taurus After reading the Millionaire Next Door, you break into your neighbors house only to find a...

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