Turnip Fire – America’s Finest FIRE News Source
JEZERO CRATER, MARS – In one of the biggest discoveries humankind has ever made, the NASA rover Perseverance has confirmed the existence of microbial life on Mars. The U.S. Government reacted by immediately sending a $1400 stimulus check to the...
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Frustrated with the often difficult and painful processes to get money from lobbyists and special interest groups into their own grubby hands, Congress today unanimously passed a bill that sets up direct deposits into their checking accounts,...
MEDINA, WA – According to local reporters and irate eyewitnesses, Amazon, Inc. CEO Jeff Bezos held up the line at the Medina, Washington Food Mart for over 20 minutes when he presented a huge stack of coupons to the cashier. ...
DEARBORN, MI – On Wednesday The Ford Motor Company introduced the newest member to its line of pickups, the $49,000 base-price “One Big Colossal Waste Of Money”, or OBCWOM for short. The auto giant spared no expense with a glitzy...
WASHINGTON D.C. – The Food And Drug Administration (FDA) warned consumers on Thursday not to eat any 26¢ ramen noodles from Aldi after an outbreak of listeria caused illness to virtually everyone in the FIRE community. “We’re warning consumers not...
Aries Your girlfriend will get Warren Buffet to sign her boob at the Berkshire Hathaway meeting and even though you like investing you’ll just be really confused about the whole thing. Taurus Complaining there’s nothing good on Netflix while stealing...
SEATTLE, WA – Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos has started a personal finance blog, according to numerous reports. In his first post he explains why he moved $1.3 billion from his CIT Savings Builder account to a new account with Ally...
GLENDALE, AZ – Despite her refusal to allow him within 15 feet, local teen Justin Essek is “certain” his cute, social distancing neighbor, Jenna Harbinger, is just playing hard to get. “She’s totally into me”, said Essek to reporters when...
BLAIRSVILLE, GA – In a clear case of pandemic boredom and excess time, failed writer Bobby Trippe carefully crafted a 1632 word 1-star review for Germ-X hand sanitizer on Amazon. Trippe, who has written 5 novels and a book of...
HILLIARD, OH – Area frugal weirdo Ben Stanfield is “pretty sure” he can still get a year or two out of his 16 year old socks, according to sources. “I’ve been hang drying them for a few years now to...
AUSTIN, TX – Whole Foods, Inc. announced this week it will be giving a massive $21 Trillion refund to it’s millions of customers for overcharging all these years. “We’re coming clean”, said company chief spokesperson Kyle Boddington. “It all started...
ST. PAUL, MN – Sources report that the lazy financial blogger known as Todd “6 ways” Jenkins is only capable of speaking in listicles. “I’ve tried 5 ways to shed this affliction, and I’m still searching for an answer” he...
!! - NEW ART - !!
!! - NEW ART - !!
!! - NEW ART - !!
!! - NEW ART - !!
!! - NEW ART - !!
!! - NEW ART - !!
!! - NEW ART - !!
!! - NEW ART - !!
!! - NEW ART - !!
2024 Activity Tracker
Cycling: 4703 Miles
Running: 278 Miles
Hiking: 33 Miles
Paddling: 83 Miles
Climbing Days: 1
2023 Activity Tracker
Cycling: 5400 Miles
Running: 472 Miles
Hiking: 37 Miles
Paddling: 96 Miles
Climbing Days: 6
2022 Activity Tracker
Cycling: 5408 Miles
Running: 321 Miles
Hiking: 43 Miles
Paddling: 40 Miles
Climbing Days: 7
Turnip FIRE! Disclaimer:
Turnip FIRE! is like, real fake news. I mean, there’s fake news that’s meant to be real, and then fake news that’s meant to be fake. The fake news that’s meant to be real is like, actual fake news. Turnip FIRE! is fake fake news…. okay now I’m confused…. Anyhoo, don’t take any Turnip FIRE! stories seriously. Just don’t.
Recent Comments